“Above all else, guard your heart for all the issues of life flow from it.” Proverbs 4:23
I wanted to share three different experiences where I have been given a peek into what goes on behind the scenes in the spirit realm when it comes to our heart, the intentions and motivations behind every thought, and the spiritual (and physical) ramifications of such, including what they produce in words and actions. Through the exposure of evil powers operating in the invisible realm, these encounters have worked to prune and reshape my thinking, to give pause to carelessness while warranting serious consideration of what Scripture warns regarding.
Heart and Mind in Hebrew Thought
In ancient Hebrew thought, the words for “mind” and “heart” usually point to the same unified inner person, the control center consisting of our mind, will, and emotions. The primary Hebrew word translated as “heart” is lēb (or lēbab). Modern English translations frequently translate the same Hebrew root (lēb) as “heart” in one verse and “mind” or “understanding” in another, because the terms overlap entirely in Hebrew. “A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” (Luke 6:45) “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:5-6) “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21)
When God Asked for My Makeup
During my journey to find God and a season of cleansing and restoration, it was somewhere between my baptism and an appointment with a deliverance ministry that I heard, “No makeup now.” A part of me thought it was the enemy messing with me, trying to rile me up, as I had spent months earlier that year, pre-baptism, under heavy oppression where the demonic was tangible and too close for comfort.
My instant response was, “That’s not happening!” It was my safe place, sacred to me. But as I was getting ready for church, I thought if God was asking for my makeup during this season of cleansing, I should probably listen. Maybe this was only a test, and He would give it back? So, I followed through. Puffy eyes, patchy skin, and all, I went to church, baring all. And as expected, those approaching to greet me from afar could not hide their expressions of shock as they neared. Smiles turned to looks of concern, and they turned away as if to avoid. I was used to turning heads. But not in this way.
As I focused on my humiliation and the possibility that those words came from God, I started complaining, blaming Him, saying that this feels like a “religion of bondage”. I argued that scripture does not emphasize outward appearance but inward transformation. What I did not realize was that, regardless of the source of those words I heard, this was not an uncovering of my skin, but of my heart. A pattern emerged to reveal my true inner posture towards God. My first response in blaming God was rooted in deep-seated mistrust and resentment, something that did not surface until after I seriously started searching for God. And as usual, when I feel wronged or boundaries crossed, I fume internally.
When Complaining Opened a Spiritual Door
As multiple issues surfaced through those triggering words, I would slowly learn on a deeper level, the reality of what we dwell on and how obsessive focus on such influences the unseen spiritual realm much more than we could ever imagine. Per my usual pattern, what poured out of my heart throughout the day were complaints. Then, in a moment, a spiritual shift occurred, where I was hit by incoming thoughts and emotions that, at this stage of my spiritual walk, I recognized as not my own. Dark. Evil. Out of place. Yet, I wallowed, going into tears, until I realized that I had gone too far and needed prayer. I asked my husband for help, but failed to pull myself together. And with that, the issue further escalated as the enemy legally advanced to overwhelm me with fiery darts of what seemed like a mind swarm. But this time, I heard voices mixed in. “Satan has entered you” and “Authority over you.” Somewhere in the middle of all that, my husband saw red in my eyes, and an SOS prayer followed. Needless to say, we booked a Deliverance session with our church soon after.
Holding On to Freedom After Deliverance
Did I learn my lesson? Not yet. I would again push boundaries with my usual my-way-or-the-highway attitude. Only, this time, it would progress to affect things in the physical. The thing is, once we have been delivered, we have to hold onto the peace and freedom that Christ gives by walking in newness of life in Him. While no one can snatch us out of God’s hand, we can crawl out and no longer partner our will with His. “So, submit to [the authority of] God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him] and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7 AMP) Notice the order. Then we are empowered through the Holy Spirit to stand firm. Otherwise, we are at risk of operating outside of God’s covering and in our own strength, and at great risk of unnecessary spiritual attacks.
Months of Torment After Backsliding
So why would I risk pushing boundaries again after my baptism and deliverance, risking spiritual recapture or the building of strongholds? I did not realize the veracity of the situation in how literal scripture is in guarding our hearts. Going back to before my baptism, but after I had recieved the Holy Spirit, I had gone through months of spiritual torment due to an act of deliberate backsliding (with an old sin that had prevously wrecked my life). The startling experience was too close for comfort in that I could feel the activity in the spirit realm, with them acting upon and within me to the point of physical discomfort. There was a vibration of sorts that would intensify and move around inside me from head to toe, even behind my eyes to vibrate them, making it nearly impossible to sleep. I heard multiple voices – incessant taunts and threats of hell and punishment, especially if I tried to get some rest. Due to this, I was awake several days in a row before I would be able to rest a little, only to repeat …for months straight! But even with all this, I wasn’t getting it with how we empower and elevate the kingdom of darkness to open doors and bring on manifestations, starting with our heart.
From Annoyance to Grumbling Against God
So fast forward 9 months from throwing away my makeup, I allow myself to go down this road again in unknowingly coming into an enemy agreement. A different scenario, but with my overreaction and excessive dwelling on perceived issues as the common denominator. For no logical reason, I started to feel annoyed with my husband. As I continued to fixate, the emotions grew and seemed so real! The last incident involved thoughts and emotions that I knew were not my own. But this time was tricky in catching fast enough. I asked my husband to pray over me, but he didn’t understand that I was asking for an SOS prayer, which at this point set me off. And an attitude followed with “Never mind!” I headed to a midweek church meeting where I proceeded to break down crying. Once back home, as I was being prayed over, I chimed in, saying to the Lord that I felt angry at my husband. As things needlessly progressed, the focus negatively shifted inwards and towards God. I ended up complaining and grumbling, mostly internally, to God for over 24 hours to where I actually told Him, “I’m done! Go help someone else!” Though I have a history of going overboard, even that was out of character to go that far, saying such to God.
Coming Into Agreement With a Lie
Finally, I heard two things that should have caused a pause. Something to the effect of me “having things my way” and “please listen”, which I didn’t. Then boom! The water filter behind the fridge burst, flooding the kitchen fast. At the same time, the split AC unit was leaking water in the office. Even the bidet started leaking! My husband, who has a history with spiritual manifestations, discerned in the spirit that things were about to pop off and warned me that I was right up to the line …with the demonic on the other side. I zipped it. Afterwards, with a heart of repentance, I heard something in the spirit to the effect of how I had “come into agreement with a lie”. That was the core issue that fostered the buildup in this instance. A lie that was projected onto me, a lie from the enemy that I had come into agreement with and acted on. The emotions felt so real! “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
What was especially eye-opening about this incident was that “mere” internal complaining caused such a spiritual shift, with things breaking in the physical realm. “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” (Eph 6:12) I was gaining a deeper understanding how we need to make every effort to avoid entertaining negativity and practice the Fruit of the Spirit according to Gal 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Sent to Fix What’s Broken and Break What’s Operating
Sadly, I succumbed to yet another scheme. An unusual one through which the enemy operated in a way that I would never suspect! A way that opened spiritual doors to torment around 5 months after the previous incident. My husband and I were sent to do some missionary type work, a first for me, in repairs and renovations for someone whose home had a long list of major issues, and a host of spiritual issues as well to parallel the state of disrepair. “Fix what’s broken and break what’s operating” was our commission from the Lord (keeping in mind His previous instruction to do only as He directed).
Holy Spirit was highlighting demonically charged objects and furniture with evil attachments. There were attacks coming from these items, where some things needed to be prayed over while being destroyed to evict these spirits. There were even similar issues in rooms and in the walls! Instructions were given to go wall by wall, laying hands on and working slowly while praying over. Over the course of months spent there with repairs, we had to pray before entering the gate and keep Christian music playing for the duration of our time onsite to hold back the oppression and hindrances in the home, as it was difficult for the individual to part with everything at once. When it comes to deliverance or spiritual eviction, the person involved has to come into agreement with being set free, whether it’s regarding themselves or from things they own. In addition, anyone sent in to break what’s operating has to be guarded against enemy schemes, as they are fighting against eviction.
Seeking Praise Instead of Giving God the Glory
Of the multiple spirits operating in that home, there was a spirit of witchcraft present. And while my husband’s 20+ year relationship with the Lord kept him grounded and on track, I allowed myself to get caught up in the highs of renovating and replacing broken things. This led to obsessive thinking on things that I could do and buy for her, beyond the commission, to where it became more about me than for the Lord. I enjoyed her excitement, which led to praise. I looked to get the pat on the back, when all glory should have gone to God.
All of this left me an easy target for attack, with spiritual doors opened from continued self-exaltation and disobedience. If the Lord gives specific instructions and says no adding to it – no bow or gift wrap – I recommend listening! The retaliation that I received over the course of months was pretty regular, where my sleep was disrupted with those spirits speaking and threatening. Yes, I could hear them and feel their presence near me with a vibration-type feeling, with even instances that included a sensation of wanting to puke. I had threatening dreams as well, where they were so visibly angry that one of them had blood coming from his pores as he and another ominous scowling character guarded the decrepit wall behind them. Whenever I was trying to rest, they demanded things like “hands off!” And threatened to “tear me” while making known that they were opposed to my praying over her home. While some spiritual attacks are to be expected in the carrying of our cross to follow Jesus, we can be wise in avoiding needless attacks as follows.
A Mind Chained by Obsessive Thoughts
My mind would get trapped over and over in obsessive thoughts regarding her home, where I needed my husband to pray over me to break off after many failed attempts were made in my taking authority. My mind would drift as if being drawn to her home. Then, as I indulged in vain imaginations of what we could buy next for her place, it was as if my mind became chained to her home. The pull was so strong that when I would try to break free by praying scripture or forcing my mind elsewhere, it would immediately revert back. I remember spending a full night awake rebuking the demonically driven thoughts every few seconds and commanding them to be silent. I was powerless!
I even heard a suggestion from a spirit near the end of those months of fiery darts as to what to buy her next, where they actually said her name, mentioning glass cookware for the new oven. All of this sort of crept up on me at first, as I was given grace after grace to repent and stop making this commission about me. But I kept returning to what I was doing per my usual obsessive focus. By the time I took it seriously, I kept praying for help to focus on God and what He sent us to do. That was a lesson I am thankful for but never wish to repeat!
Whatever We Focus On, We Glorify
With each escalating incident, I was learning why we need to walk carefully and intentionally, loving God with our whole mind, heart, soul, and strength. Because we are either elevating one kingdom or the other; whatever we focus on, we glorify. And when we are not bringing God glory, or worse, stealing His glory, it’s as if we are empowering the demonic, fueling them. Needless to say, I humbled myself before God, even confessing to my husband the issue to have this broken off and corrected.
A Prayer for a Clean Heart
“Heavenly Father, King of Creation, I come to you in Jesus name, confessing my sins. I renounce them and repent. Please forgive me and cleanse me in the blood of the Lamb, rightly aligning my heart with yours. Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and restore a steadfast spirit within me, and grant me a willing spirit. Let me not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but rather help me to be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I may be able to test and know the good, perfect, and pleasing will of God. Amen” (Psa 51:10, Psa 51:12, Rom 12:2)
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