What happens to someone who backslides after they have been filled with the Holy Spirit? Is it possible for a Holy Spirit-filled backslider to get kicked out of God’s protective jurisdiction and covering? Is there discipline or a danger of judgment for abusing God’s grace and love in intentional sin after being born again? What is the cost of lingering when we know something is not right? Is there a link between the Spirit of Incubus and self-gratification?
1) Explain the love of God in Christ Jesus 2) Focusing on horizontal to the kingdom 3) My disguise looked good when I’m on fire 4) Double mindedness and going overboard 5) Grace is not a license to sin 6) Taking advantage of 7) The thing that is kept in the dark, secret – I couldn’t part ways with 8) Helpless 9) From everything that He’s shown us, God will look at me and judge more harshly 10) Sometimes you can get kicked out of a jurisdiction 11) You have to tell Jesus that you’re limited and confined 12) The life of the righteous was not made for throwing away 13) God is working all things together for good
Explain the love of God in Christ Jesus: I just want to start by saying that we serve an awesome God who is indeed merciful and worthy of all glory, honor, and praise! And as you read on, you will see even more clearly the depths of the love of God. He became very real to me as I got to experience the love of God and His great mercy firsthand. My repeated sin after being born again led to judgment. But while I was still held accountable, God relented on the sentence He pronounced against me for eternal judgment. And I am forever grateful!
The love of God is incredible and amazing, as the plan of salvation was no little thing. It was both brutal and beautiful. So difficult to comprehend this kind of love! Yet Jesus, God in the flesh, went through it all for you. For me. He became flesh to fully relate to our sorrows and pain in all our humanity. And to overcome every fear, weakness, and death itself.
Jesus even refused the vinegar and gall mixture that would have had a narcotic effect to dull His agony. No, He chose to feel the full cup of wrath poured out as He took our place on that cross and received our punishment for the wages of sin. Imagine loving someone so much that you would die for them. Then imagine loving someone who hated you, who was your enemy, so much so that you would die for them. That’s what happened.
God loved the world so much that He sacrificed His only Son in a divine exchange. Jesus’ life for ours. In this exchange, Jesus became sin for us to clothe us in His righteousness. To take our place and pay the heavy price of sin that we could not pay.
Jesus not only showed us the heart of the Father, being a perfect representation of God, but He did what we could not do in living a sinless life, making Jesus the only one in history qualified to pay the debt of the whole world. He willingly laid down His life, like a lamb led to the slaughter, shedding His precious blood to redeem us, to repurchase us since Adam’s original sin. Ultimately reconciling us back to the Father.
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8
Focusing horizontal to the kingdom: Yes, horizontal to the kingdom indeed! As in dead in sin from a life lived in sexual immorality. My history is colorful and was founded on abuse growing up. Physical and sexual abuse. A home lacking love, support, and comfort. Our mother abandoned us as well, pretending to go shopping, never to return. Then, later, there was the abduction and living like fugitives in a van for several years. That escalated to life in an old farmhouse isolated from the world. Days blended and years passed till I was finally set free from captivity after adulthood.
Broken and lost, I had entered the world with a grade school education. And as I walked away from the God I had read about in my youth, and with low self-worth, I took one bad turn after another. The more I rebelled, the harder I became, eventually lacking remorse as I lived in self-centeredness, seeking to fill the void. It seemed that there was no limit to my depravity. And since sin is hungry, pushing every boundary, poor decisions and actions without fear of consequence – doing something and it meaning nothing at all – led to the most shocking sin yet!!
Fast forward to after I had given my life to Christ. I thought my past was just a bad chapter. But deep in my heart, there was something wrong. Without full surrender and full trust in God, I kept hitting a wall in spiritual growth to put down deep roots in my relationship with God. And when least expected, my old sinful nature resurfaced to do something so bizarre. So shocking. Far beyond anything I have done before!
When we decide to give our lives to Christ and to live for Him, we do not lightly regard all He has done for us by making room for old sin. That’s turning our back on Him to be dead in sin again. And in my life, I learned the seriousness of! And how it is a slippery slope.
Jude 1:4 sadly described my behaviour, “For there are certain men crept in privily, even they who were of old written of beforehand unto this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.” Some versions say being promiscuous, sensuous, licentious, immoral, or lewd.
1 John 2:16-17 says, “16 For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. 17 And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.”
My disguise looked good when I’m on fire (spirit-filled): This can have a double meaning… I will revisit. When all this took place, I was doing what a born-again Christian would with Bible study, praise, and prayer. If we’re not careful, though, things can turn into ritual, and before we know it, we have become lukewarm and spiritually complacent, where it’s more of a religious act or front. For me, it went even deeper.
Double-mindedness and going overboard: To take a closer look at why I backslid, a really big issue for me has been double-mindedness. It’s “a state of being unstable, wavering, and divided in one’s affections, loyalties, or commitment”. I had an issue with believing God and His promises one minute, but then not standing on them the next. That’s doubting God. Scripture says that without faith it is impossible to please Him. Thankfully, we can pray for the grace to have more faith during our spiritual growth.
Another form of double-mindedness is trying to have a relationship with God while still having a relationship with sin. We cannot be married to both, as that’s spiritual adultery—being unfaithful to God. We have to dig deep into our hearts and ask for God’s help in showing us our hearts to make sure we are not holding onto or harboring sin.
In addition, there have been issues with my going overboard in my reaction to God’s words and instructions. Like a good Shepherd, when He would forewarn me of something to help keep me on track, I would have either the spirit of offense or misunderstood what He was saying. Then, freak out and withdraw. Instead, I should have prayed into all He was saying to get clarification and understanding.
Grace is not a license to sin: It’s not a license to live in disobedience. Grace is receiving the undeserved gift that cost Jesus’ precious blood. We are saved by grace through faith. And through the process of sanctification, we are made holy. Grace is a gift that should inspire gratitude and motivate a life of obedience. But abusing grace hinders the process of sanctification and can manifest as a lack of remorse or repentance for sin. It’s the idea that because God is so forgiving and merciful, one can indulge in wrong actions without fear of consequence.
We can never have the mindset that we can ask for forgiveness later. Or perhaps worse, not feeling the need to ask for forgiveness. That’s greatly disrespecting His sacrifice and the blood of the covenant. And in willfully returning to sin that we have been freed of, we are rejecting the Holy Spirit’s work that had justified and sanctified us. It makes light of what God did for us, His love poured out on the cross, and puts us at risk for judgment.
Heb 10:26-27,29 “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. ……29 How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?”
“And such were some of you [before you believed]. But you were washed [by the atoning sacrifice of Christ], you were sanctified [set apart for God, and made holy], you were justified [declared free of guilt] in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the [Holy] Spirit of our God [the source of the believer’s new life and changed behavior].” 1 Cor 6:11
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Cor 10:13 Yes, so when faced with temptation, flee! Guard your eyes, ears, and heart. And when you see that something is off or not right, “change the channel” quickly. I wish I had not lingered and entertained it!!
Taking advantage of: During my life, God took every measure to save my life. He has been both the loving Father who was waiting for me with open arms and the Good Shepherd who left the ninety-nine to search for and save this one who was lost. He gave me grace, but I had abused this precious gift. I sinned greatly against God, and even though I hurt Him badly, He turned the other cheek over and over again.
To make matters worse, I did not initially own up. Just like old patterns, I was hardened and lacked remorse, thinking what I did was not a huge thing. Then claimed to be saved by grace for my willful sin. That’s presumptuous sin and taking advantage of God’s goodness and the fact that He is a loving God who offers grace to those who stumble. “Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” Rom 2:4
The thing that is kept in the dark, secret – I couldn’t part ways with: Sexual immorality. Previously, I had an issue with self-gratification, to the point of me researching to see if it was ok to hang onto this after being saved. But I ended up getting assaulted by the spirit of Incubus, and for around 5 days straight, I felt the effects of that assault. But at that time, I had asked God to remove it from me, putting that on the altar of surrender for Him. I thought I was good.
But there were still things to be dealt with. And if not rooted out completely, even something seemingly innocent could shockingly morph or catapult us toward deeper sin. So here is where it goes dark. I ended up taking advantage of God’s love in a selfish way. I had enjoyed His presence mornings and evenings, feeling His love and comfort wash through me as I praised Him. Like waves of love. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before!
It started as being genuine, but then it morphed into something it should not have been when it was supposed to be something treasured during communion with Him. Instead of showing up to genuinely praise God and commune, it developed into something where I showed up for the experience of God’s love. Yes, as in appearing to praise Him. (“My disguise looked good when I’m on fire” double meaning) As if I could fool Him! That’s twisted! That is using God and is irreverent.
Previously, God had been trying to warn me through messages that something was not right in my heart, and I would ask Him what that was about. God replied, “Romantic”. Then, when I was telling God that I love Him as I often did, He said, “Watch it”. Quite shockingly, the spirit of lust had crept in, and God was trying to nip it in the bud before things became perverse. But I could feel things changing in me. Lust was there, and things went south as I could already feel bodily reactions I should not have in response to the love received. I wish this were just some bad dream. But nope. This is where my life of corruption and sexual immorality led me.
With sin, one should never linger as it’s dangerous to entertain it as seeds will be planted in doing so. Change the channel! Run! But I lingered. And continued. In the end, my selfishness did not end there. I took that act and it became the corrupted foundation to become more sexually active with my husband. Just shocking! God called me out on it. He was rightfully angry and upset, letting me know that He felt used and said that it was like I had used Him like some kind of toy. And said that my behavior was borderline having sex. With Him. As startling as it is to hear, He knows the heart.
Not only had I done that, I had taken self-gratification off the altar. Like doing so as if I had found a loophole, asking my husband to do for me. Once something is surrendered, you don’t take it back. The covenant with God was violated. I had committed sexual immorality, spiritual adultery, idolatry, and I had desecrated the temple of the Holy Spirit. Not only does God take promises and covenants seriously, but He had already freed me from the power that sin had over me, paid for with Jesus’ blood.
It was no small thing to turn Jesus’ sacrifice into a mockery by returning to sexual immorality and surrendered sin! And it was a grave error to use grace as license to sin not to mention the irreverence shown to Him! When God called me out on it, I was like a deer in headlights and did not own up to it right away. In fact, I had to muster up emotion regarding, lacking remorse – the old nature bearing bad fruit.
Helpless: When I had committed this abomination and also taken lust of the flesh back from the altar, I came under satan’s authority, where he had a legal right to accuse and torment me. He’s called the accuser of the brethren, as he is always looking for things to hold over our heads, and also will try to make us feel guilty for sins that have already been forgiven as well.
“…For the one who accuses our brothers, who accuses them day and night in the presence of our God, has been thrown out.” Rev 12:10
It’s bad enough that Jesus had to suffer agony and shame on the cross. Because of my backsliding, He even had to hear mockery from satan daily. Scripture says that it’s like crucifying Christ all over again. He is Holy and is our righteous King of Glory. And this is how I repaid Him for dying for me and saving me!
From everything that He’s shown us, God will look at me and judge more harshly: There were many times in my life where God gave me grace after grace, and did not bring judgment to my actions. But it’s wrong to expect it and wrong to take it lightly. Psa 103:10 shows God’s mercy towards us, “He has not dealt with us according to our sins [as we deserve], Nor rewarded us [with punishment] according to our wickedness.”
Being God did everything to make provision for us, we should not be living our lives with unrepentant sin. And certainly not disregard the seriousness of hiding or holding onto it. My actions finally caught up with me, and I was held accountable, receiving judgment. I was hearing words like “destruction” and “reserved for hell”. And, as I was waiting for my sentence to be delivered, I figured I was done for. But God, in His great mercy, relented on His righteous judgment to reserve me for hell and instead saved my life. Yet again, Jesus saved my life! I had hurt Him badly. Yet He turned the cheek. Again. This is the love of God!
My discipline went on in January and February. And I got to feel the power and might of God! Sadly, as I had not learned from my past mistakes through God’s past love and mercy, I had to be brought to the point of breaking to get through to me. God is the Potter, and we are the clay. Throughout our lives, He is shaping us. But if this vessel becomes marred during shaping, if we of our free will get off the path, He will take the clay and rework it into another vessel. (Jer 18:4) Scripture says that some have to be saved dramatically. “Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment.” Jude 1:23 Speaking of eternal judgment.
God said that His heart was hurt, but I understood why I was being held accountable. I knew the truth, so I was without excuse. 1 Cor 11:32 states, “But when we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.” It’s better to be disciplined on this side of hell! And Prov 3:11-12 says, “My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD, and do not loathe His rebuke; for the LORD disciplines the one He loves, as does a father the son in whom he delights.” It goes without saying that discipline helps to lay a solid foundation to prevent lawlessness. What I did was so wicked and perverse, and I deserved worse!
Sometimes you can get kicked out of a jurisdiction: There are only two kingdoms. We can be under the power and jurisdiction of our Creator, the one true living God, or under that of the enemy – the “prince and power of the air”. With willful sin, we risk being transferred over. If the enemy has something over us, we risk no longer being under God’s jurisdiction and covering of protection. Sometimes we can be handed over to bring us unto repentance because God is not willing that any should perish.
You have to tell Jesus that you’re limited and confined: Of our power, we are limited while under the authority and jurisdiction of the kingdom of darkness, as we have submitted to his power in sin. We call on Jesus in repentance, telling Him that we need His help to overcome and be set free from the prison of sin. John 8:36 says, ”Who the Son sets free is free indeed”. And Acts 4:12 states, “Salvation exists in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.”
The life of the righteous was not made for throwing away: Once we are born again into the Kingdom of God, being justified and sanctified, the life of the spirit-filled believer was not designed to be thrown away, as in turning back to the kingdom of darkness and death. What God did for us in Christ should not be thrown in the trash. Gal 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
The imagery of the yoke speaks to walking side by side, being in step with, or in alignment with. Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
“We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. 10 For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. 11 So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Rom 6:9-11
Let us cast off the old self and live for God as our wonderful King and Savior showed us in His example!
God is working all things together for good: No matter how low we have sunk or far we have backslidden, there is still hope for those repentant, as He welcomes home, with open arms, the prodigals and those like me who have gone astray. And no matter what we have done, God can take our mess and still make it turn out for good somehow. He’s truly amazing! “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Rom 8:28
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