A Desperate Cry for Help
I hit many rock bottoms throughout my life. But I will focus on one instance here where God showed up. Being plagued with depression, thoughts of suicide, and never-ending insomnia, I sank to a new low in the spring of 2012. At my end, and completely frustrated, I cried out to God.
My life was not right with God. I was a backslidden Christian. In addition to that, I had never had a personal relationship with Him, not even knowing how to. Yes, I called myself a Christian, not knowing what it meant to be born again. In desperation, I asked to know why I did not have the peace and rest God promised in His word to those who accept Him. Quoting His word. I cried out, “Tell me what I am doing wrong and how to fix it! Help me!” Not more than a week or so later, God’s reply came, but not in the way I ever imagined.
God’s Answer: “It’s Time to Close Doors”
That message was specially delivered to me at work, as God had sent someone in response to my desperate plea. He showed back up a week or so later, saying how he was required to be faithful to deliver the full message, and said that prayer was needed for the rest of the message to come through. Everyone had gone home for the day, save my husband and me. And as we all stood together, Chris C., the guy God sent, began to pray in tongues. This was my first experience of such a bold in-your-face answer to prayer, and certainly my first time hearing a real-life prayer in tongues! As he went back and forth between speaking in tongues and English, God’s message came through.
“I know how lonely your life has been, how you grew up without the love of your parents. I have been trying to get your attention for some time to draw you unto Myself.”
And just like that, I was undone. As my life was recounted to me and promises given, God said that I needed to “Go home and forgive those who hurt you tonight”. However, I blurted out something to the effect of, “But I don’t know how!” as I tried to do so throughout my life, but then my mind would seem to hit replay. I could not forget. And the emotions and gut-wrenching pain still attached would come rushing over me. I forever felt broken.
In my mind, still fresh was the heartbreak of a stolen childhood and stunted growth, lost innocence, and being robbed of an education and inheritance. In my mind was the current suffering that stems from growing up in extreme isolation, accompanied by a set of challenges to overcome and thrive. Overcome what I had perceived as abandonment and betrayal by those closest to me, and by all standards today, trafficked.
Set Free: The Spirit of Unforgiveness Removed
God said that my heart was right and that He was “removing the Spirit of Unforgiveness” that causes a state of internal unrest where the mind is in constant replay of reliving the past. That night was the first night since I could remember that I slept soundly. The insomnia was gone! I hadn’t even started the process of forgiving others, and He so graciously removed that demonic stronghold that had plagued me for years. It makes me think of what Jesus did on the cross. He loved us and gave of Himself, becoming a willing sacrifice before we ever loved Him back. While we are yet His enemies, He looks at us with love and compassion, and is waiting at the door to win our hearts.
The Prison of Unforgiveness
I know. I know. We’ve all heard it before. “You need to just let it all go and forgive!” Are you aware that there’s an actual demonic spirit named Unforgiveness? Not only is it real, but with that demon comes heavy oppression in disguise. We suffer atrocities and have no control over the offending party. Feeling stripped of our dignity and power over the situation, we hold onto unforgiveness to give us a sense of control. “They can’t take that from me!” And by the world’s standard, we are justified in this thinking. Before we know it, we are living a life robbed as we put ourselves in a prison of torment through the door of unforgiveness.
The Holy Spirit once mentioned to my husband, “Every action is tied to a principality.” Yes, as in “powers, principalities, rulers of darkness, and spiritual wickedness in high places”. Eph 6:12. Forgiving someone does not justify what they did, but it does set you free from any legal agreement or contract you knowingly or unknowingly entered by harboring it, giving legal access and rights to this spirit to operate in your life. And then measures can be taken to repent of, renounce, and break off the stronghold.
Is it always easy to do? No. I myself had to work towards that. God had given me grace that day and removed that spirit from me. And then later that night, after work, I went home to do what He said. Once we acknowledge it’s an issue, we can ask for God’s help to rightly align our hearts to His. Telling God that we don’t know how is ok. We are being honest, and it indicates willingness. “Lord God, I need your help! Please strengthen and guide me through the process of seeing what’s truly in my heart. Help me to forgive every injustice done against me, and please forgive me for holding onto it! Lord God, please freshly fill me with your Holy Spirit to fill every space left vacant. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your promise in your word that you bind up the brokenhearted. I claim that promise for myself and stand on it. Thank you for healing my heart! In Jesus name. Amen.”
Once we hand the burden over to Jesus, we stay on guard against entertaining and dwelling on those unforgiving thoughts that would allow the spirits’ legal rights to regain a foothold, or worse, by bringing in seven others more evil than itself. Matthew 12:45 Initially, the enemy will try to regain his grip. But we have authority in Christ Jesus. “Nope! I forgave that and reject that thought in Jesus name! Lord God, I repent if that was my thought. I submit my mind to the mind of Christ that your word says I have, and with the authority I have in Him, I cast down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and I take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ. And every thought that the enemy tried to plant, be bound and cast out of my heart and mind to be burned up with the mighty fire of God! In Jesus name. Amen.”
Though we know the enemy is a thief, Jesus said, “…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Freely we receive, freely we give, as it opens the door to God’s mercy in our lives. Matthew 6:14 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Wonderfully comforting. I need His forgiveness!
It’s not just our actions that matter to God, but where it all begins. In our hearts. So guard it above all else! As Jesus hung on the cross in agony, rejected, abandoned, and in distress, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34 We read in John 3:17, “For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved.” To the very end, He gave the example He wants us to follow as future citizens of Heaven.
Forgiveness in Romans 12:14-21
Throughout His teachings, Jesus spoke on forgiveness and the character of God, and how to have our hearts rightly aligned with His. As the love of God grows in us during the sanctification process and through the study of His word, we start to look more and more like Jesus, bearing the Fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, the Apostle Paul said:
14 Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but associate with the lowly. Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”
20 On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, butovercome evil with good.
The “burning coals” symbolize the shame and guilt that someone might feel when they are treated kindly despite having wronged the other person. And while we don’t intend to cause them shame or guilt, but rather do good to them from a place of love and genuine kindness, the idea is that hopefully, when we return good for the evil done to us, it will cause the wrongdoer to reflect on their actions and potentially have a change of heart.
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