womaninsideherprisonofunforgiveness

Part 3: Where Would I Be Without Jesus? Unforgiveness.

For those new to my website, I will re-share a blip about my life that ties into unforgiveness. Let me start out by saying that my life should serve as a warning to others that the path I chose led me to a cliff. And if it hadn’t been for Jesus intervening, comforting, and saving me, there would have been no hope for me!

Because of my poor choices, I had many rock bottoms throughout my life, but will focus on one instance here where God showed up. Being plagued with depression, thoughts of suicide, and never-ending insomnia, I hit a new low in the spring of 2012. At my end and completely frustrated, I cried out to God.

My life was not right with God as I was a lukewarm Christian, nor did I have a relationship with Him, but in desperation, I asked to know why I did not have the peace and rest He promised to those who accept Him. Yes, I called myself a Christian not knowing what it meant to be born again. Anyway. I cried out, “Tell me what I am doing wrong and how to fix it! Help me!” Not more than a week or so later God’s reply came, but not how I ever imagined.

“It’s time to close doors.”

That message was specially delivered to me at work as God had sent someone in response to my desperate plea. He showed back up a week or so later saying how he was required to be faithful to deliver the full message. And said that prayer was needed for the rest of the message to come through for me. Being it was the end of the work day and everyone had gone home, save my husband and me, we all stood together as Chris, the guy God sent to deliver the answer to my prayer, began to pray in tongues. As he would go back and forth between speaking in tongues and English, God’s message came through.

“I know how lonely your life has been. How you grew up without the love of your parents. I have been trying to get your attention for some time to draw you unto Myself.”

At that I became undone. He said that I needed to, “Go home and forgive those who hurt you tonight”. This was not a suggestion. I blurted out, “But I don’t know how!” I tried to do so repeatedly throughout my life, but then my mind would replay. I could not forget. And the emotions attached would come rushing over me.

Being robbed of a childhood, innocence, and an education. Being robbed of having friends or just being able to associate with others in general. Being robbed of my inheritance. All the abuse. Being abandoned. Being trafficked. 

God said that my heart was right and that He was removing the Spirit of Unforgiveness that causes a state of restlessness, and the mind to be in constant replay of reliving the past. That night was the first night since I could remember that I slept soundly. The insomnia, gone. I hadn’t even started the process of forgiving others and He so graciously removed that stronghold that plagued me for years. Just like when He went to the cross. He gave of Himself and became a willing sacrifice before we ever loved Him back. While we are at our lowest in rebellion against Him, He looks at us with love and is waiting at the door.

The devil is a liar and a thief and will tell us that we have every right to feel the way we do in holding onto grudges and unforgiveness. Before we know it, we’re not only deceived into feeling justified, but we are living a life robbed of peace as we put ourselves in a prison of torment through the door of unforgiveness.

It’s so important to deal with it. We need to search our hearts and be willing to face things head-on. And need to ask for God’s help in dealing with and letting go of. “Show me my heart! Strengthen me and help me through the process of seeing what’s truly in my heart. Help me in dealing with the pain of those who have hurt me. Help me with repenting, and to truly forgive. And please forgive me for holding onto!” And once we hand over the burden to Jesus, try not to take it back. Be on guard for thoughts that seek reentry. The enemy will try to regain his hold. “Nope. I forgave that. I rebuke that thought in Jesus name!”

Jesus said in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Freely we receive, freely we give as it opens the door to God’s mercy in our own lives. We are told in Matthew 6:14, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Wonderfully comforting and yet sobering at the same time. I need His forgiveness!

It’s not just our actions that matter to God, but our thoughts and intentions. An act of harboring unforgiveness is a direct act against Jesus Himself. A slap in His face. After all He did on the cross. All He suffered. And yet, during that ordeal, what example did He give us to follow? As Jesus hung on the cross in agony, He said , “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

“For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved.” John 3:17. To the very end He gave the example He wants us to follow to be a part of His Kingdom. He was always saying things like, If you love Me you will keep My commands. Keep My words and do them. And has called everyone who professes Him to follow Him and His example.

We need to allow God to be God. He is an incredibly loving God, but He is also the all-powerful, all-knowing Righteous Judge. That thought alone is sobering to me considering the life I once lived. And even as a believer, I’m not exempt as God is Just. Yes, He’s given me His grace, but that does not mean that there is a loop-hole where I am allowed to remain unforgiving.

Scripture that has helped me to put things into perspective…

The Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21-35:

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy times seven!

23 Because of this, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlements, a debtor owing ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since the man was unable to pay, the master ordered that he be sold to pay his debt, along with his wife and children and everything he owned.

26 Then the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Have patience with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’

27 His master had compassion on him, forgave his debt, and released him.

28 But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe me!’

29 So his fellow servant fell down and begged him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you back.’

30 But he refused. Instead, he went and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay his debt.

31 When his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and recounted all of this to their master.

32 Then the master summoned him and said, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave all your debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should repay all that he owed.

35 That is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

-A denarius was customarily a day’s wage for a laborer. And a talent was worth about twenty years’ wages for a laborer.

Seventy times seven”: 490 times representing unlimited forgiveness. Basically, we should not keep track of or put a cap on how many times we should forgive. Imagine if God were to put a cap on?

Forgiveness in Romans 12:14-21:

Jesus speaks more on forgiveness and also how to have our hearts rightly aligned with His. To live peaceably in the here and now, and of course allow Him to work in and through us to make the changes necessary, to put on our new nature in preparation for the new system to come – for living in the Kingdom of God.

14 Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but associate with the lowly. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone.

19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

20 On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

 -The “burning coals” symbolize the shame and guilt that someone might feel when they are treated kindly despite having wronged the other person. The idea is that hopefully when we return good for the evil done to us, it will cause the wrongdoer to reflect on their actions and potentially change their ways.

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