Understanding the Consequences of Sinful Choices
“But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now being made free from sin, and having become servants of God, you have your fruit of sanctification and its end, eternal life” -Romans 6:21-22
What fruit did I reap or what benefit did I get from my life lived as a “Canaanite”? Strange question to ask myself, right? It does not matter that I grew up on the wrong foundation of being trafficked. What matters now are my own choices. When reading Romans 6:21, my mind was taken back to a study of Deuteronomy 7. The Israelite’s had just concluded 40 years of wandering through the wilderness in direct response to their shocking request that stemmed from faithlessness, unfounded fear, rebellion, and defiance against God who had proven Himself in His repeated displays of power, love, and protection. With the promise of God’s help, a command had been given to completely drive out and purge all that brought total corruption to the land they were about to enter, to receive to the fullest the promises and blessings made centuries before their ancestor, Abraham. What lay ahead was the challenge of overcoming what previously held them back. They were to walk out an act of faith with full trust in God, leaving behind the old life of slavery and failure, for a new life of freedom and victory.
The Sinful Legacy of Canaan and God’s Patience
“When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you— and when the Lord your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy.” -Deuteronomy 7:1-2
Referenced were seven exceedingly wicked nations inhabiting the land of Canaan whose corrupt lifestyle shocked even other pagan nations. Their acts of incest and bestiality defined the norm. Other widely accepted behaviors within their land included child sacrifice, gang rape, adultery, homosexuality, violence, terror, trafficking, murder, idolatry, and temple prostitution done by worshippers as an act of worship to their gods. They had scorned, with utter disregard, a 430-year grace period to repent and turn, to avoid the destruction that inevitably follows unrepentant sin. How patient God is!! The founder of their nation, Canaan, who was the grandson of Noah, knew full well the consequences of such. Included in God’s previous promise to Abraham, He made a statement that eluded to the possible outcome of the said nation if they would continue in their current trajectory, “In the fourth generation your descendants will return here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its limit.” -Genesis 15:16.
Recognizing Spiritual Strongholds
I reflected on my own life where sadly I could see similarities to both the Israelites and Canaanites in my “wandering through the wilderness”- decades spent wasted living in willful defiance, and, a lifestyle steeped in accepted worldliness with moral decay at its core. What also came to mind was the painful process of “entering into the promised land” that accompanied my Christian walk, the needless added difficulty that could have been avoided. Similarly, there were giants to face and drive out – strongholds that had long taken root through years of entertaining sin that led to a calloused conscience and dulled sense of morality where boundaries were crossed, leaving emptiness, shame, and regret. A life doomed for destruction and absolutely nothing to show for it but rotten fruit and a diseased branch.
Identifying Cyclic Patterns of Behavior
Years of unforgiveness, fear, bitterness, anger, faithlessness, recklessness, defiance, and degrading acts of rebellion had taken its toll with established cyclic behavior that seemed to propel me further to my demise. It starts as seemingly innocent. But that’s the lie of the enemy. Just take one bite, it’s ok to have a taste. Everybody is doing it. I figured that fornication was ok as long as I was committed to that person. But sin is hungry and will test every boundary to see if your guard is up, exploiting every weakness. It will take its time creeping in ever so quietly to go unnoticed until you are entrenched, then will outright pounce as if to brag. The next thing I knew, I thought adultery was ok before the divorce was finalized. I called it moving on with my life, disregarding my sacred marriage vows. Before I knew it, I hit a new low in moral failure and was looking for love in all the wrong places to the point of accepting an invitation to go out on a date with a married man. Though that quickly came to a halt, the damage was done, and that act of blatant rebellion opened the door to let something in. Literally! Whether God opened my eyes to see into the spiritual realm or whether it was in the natural, I was shocked to see something enter my bedroom window. As I stared in disbelief, something very tentacle-like glided into my room and right past me, hovering about 3 feet above the floor. It was about 6 feet in length resembling a jellyfish with those long tentacles. I was clueless about the demonic back then and had no clue as to what that was. But it scared the junk out of me nonetheless! Unfortunately, I did not draw the connection and continued in what had now become a lifestyle …living life my way.
The Illusion of Freedom in Sin
Little by little, I was laying aside all my heart told me was wrong to the point of cyclic behavior I could not break free from. Living life my way led me to try drugs just to make my boyfriend happy (a guy who I met in church years prior btw before I had walked away from church). And then, I took them to make me happy. There were strip clubs, parties, and same-sex attraction. The next thing I knew, I was being driven to a clinic to get an abortion as the above-mentioned boyfriend I was living with said that having a baby with me would be the worst thing to ever happen to him. I was several months pregnant and pushed back on the matter, but clearly I did not take a stand for either myself or the new life within. The fruit of my actions was not only a bad reputation that carried with it shame, guilt, and regret, but with it came deep bouts of debilitating depression and sleep paralysis. I was already dealing with insomnia as I gripped onto unforgiveness and resentment from a traumatic childhood upbringing. But now, burden after burden piled up with every reckless act. Here I was, broken, and with every unsatisfying choice, I fell deeper and deeper into the pit I dug for myself, being unable to break free. It was like I was being driven; I would trick myself into thinking, ok I chose someone completely different than the last guy, it will be different this time not realizing that at its core, I was being spiritually driven. It had gone well beyond a foothold. I was dealing with strongholds!
Breaking Free from Bondage
So here I was, in front of a dumpster unloading my car bags and bags of clothes and belongings. I was preparing to end it all. I had enough!!! I was sick of going in circles. Because that’s what the devil does. Locks us into destructive cyclic behavior. I had reached the end of myself and desperately needed God to step in and do the impossible. I could not overcome my giants without Him! In desperation, I cried out to Him saying I had had enough of trying on my own. My way was not working! And immediately a great sense of peace came over me as He made Himself real to me. That was the turning point of my life that led me down a road, however long, to full surrender. It took me some 18 years from that moment of utter desperation for absolute surrender as I only gave up one room at a time. But control freak as I was, and despite being fearful with a rebellious streak, Jesus never gave up on me, gently leading me with so much patience and love. He is so faithful!
Finding Redemption and Freedom Through Surrender to God
After years of running from God, He won my heart unto surrender. And, with that long overdue breakthrough, I received love, hope, and assurance that He would walk alongside me through the driving out and purging of addiction and spiritual strongholds that plagued me mentally and wore me out physically. Only He could save me from myself and deliver me. Only He could wash me clean and restore me. Only He could empower me to walk it out being a participant in the battle, with Him by my side carrying the heaviest part of the burden. I think one of the hardest parts has been forgiving myself! Once my eyes were opened, I loathed myself, realizing my actions were the cause of unimaginable suffering and death to the very One who saved me from slavery to sin. The very One who is now active in my life to help me during this process of cleansing and sanctification. But thankfully, He even takes that from me! All the guilt, shame, and self-loathing. He makes us worthy! And our righteousness is found in Him. He takes it all. God is just so good! If I could go back to that moment following the dumpster, I would not have held back during those 18 years of gradually letting go. My advice, go all in!!
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