The Potter’s Hand: Finding Restoration Through Brokenness
“So I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was working at his wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was broken in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.” -Jeremiah 18:3-4
During a recent Bible study on the Potters House, where we are likened to fragile jars of clay that showcase the glory of God and the power of His restoration, I couldn’t help but think of the famous phrase coined by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”. While a small percentage of individuals claim this to ring true, many studies have shown this to be rather inaccurate. When I think of those words, what immediately comes to mind is deep trauma or life-changing tragedy. Many are still suffering from great loss, even years after an ordeal. While seeking ways to overcome, to somehow turn trauma into something that would become a strength, many times we end up filling in the damaged areas of our lives with ways to cope. If the research studies performed by major institutions are accurate, then my personal experiences with trauma and the outcome are likely no exception.
“So the LORD answers, “Can a woman forget her own baby and not love the child she bore? Even if a mother should forget her child, I will never forget you.” -Isaiah 49:15
It was a day that started as any other as mom gathered my siblings and me to go shopping. However this time she made an unexpected pit stop to the nearby home of an extended family member. Mom unloaded us from the car, setting us under the apple tree for our teenage aunt to watch over us, and casually stated that she just needed a bit to pick up a few things at the store. And though we waited, she never came back for us. This was her way out, leaving behind an abusive marriage and anything that was tied to him, us. At least, that was assumed.
“Even if my father and mother abandoned me, the LORD would take me in.” –Psalm 27:10
The issue of abandonment seemed to be a reoccurring theme as hopeful circumstances were shattered following our adoption by his second wife. She too fled the state in a desperate attempt to protect her children. And very much like the situation in his prior marriage, attempts to leave him were met with threats and even her car sabotaged as he tried to retain control, to keep his dark secret under wraps – behavior that had been exposed. He targeted vulnerable women …and preferred those with young children.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” -Psalm 56:8
The feelings of rejection and betrayal continued. Though there seemed to be light at the end of the tunnel in our being legally removed from the home, our fears reemerged as he came back into the picture, using manipulative tactics with our legal guardians, his parents. Next thing we knew we were being loaded up in his van, seemingly without objection from those we trusted the most. After years of living on the run, years filled with stalking and kidnap attempts – with us kids being used as lures, one of my siblings, broken and distraught, worked up the courage to escape. He fled to those who should have cared the most, those we had been entrusted to years prior. Family. But much to his despair, he was quickly returned. Feeling unloved and unwanted, and fearing the unknown, we waited for help.
Healing from the Scars of Trauma and Loss
As I think back, to say that I struggled for years in the aftermath is an understatement. And like many others, I too had used that popular saying to feel better about myself. Then, with the shocking loss of my mother just months before our booked vacation, which I had hoped would be a time of reconnection, I crumbled. How could she leave me again? I wasn’t thinking clearly with that passing thought. People take their own lives for many reasons, but that would not be one of them. Regardless of how hard I had tried to improve my life and turn trials into triumphs, I was left with masking the fractures left by nearly two decades of childhood trauma. The truth was evident: not one fracture had made me stronger. My growing list of unhealthy coping mechanisms was proof! I was missing something. I was an empty vessel—a broken vessel in need of repair. Despite my best efforts, I could not fix myself.
“13 For You created my innermost parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will give thanks to You, because I am awesomely and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret, and skillfully formed in the depths of the earth; 16 Your eyes have seen my formless substance; and in Your book were written all the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. 17 How precious also are Your thoughts for me, God!” -Psalm 139:13-17
We are like clay in God’s hands. Uniquely formed by Him with special purpose and continually shaped with tender care and expertise as He masterfully molds us. We are precious to Him and have value and worth as everything He creates is on purpose. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,” says Yahweh, “thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11. Then why all my brokenness? Because the wonderful gift of free will was abused by others growing up, and later was misused in my own life in excluding the One who knows me best, my Creator. My Potter. In being resistant to Him for decades, I was non-pliable. Not willingly indwelled. And that left me hollow. With the recent Bible study in mind, I noticed that the Brenton translation of the Septuagint says that the clay fell. If from His hands, that could symbolize falling out of His will. If from the beam on which it was placed, that could mean a veering off the straight and narrow path. Some translations say the clay spoiled which could mean being corrupted by willful sin. Whether marred, broken, or spoiled, God is a God of restoration! If we are willing, He can reshape our flaws and even use them to let His light shine through.
“But this beautiful treasure is contained in us—cracked pots made of earth and clay—so that the transcendent character of this power will be clearly seen as coming from God and not from us.” -2 Corinthians 4:7
The good news is God meets us where we are and is faithful with a love that pursues! As I once heard someone say, “He will chase us all the way to the front door. And even if we slam the door in His face, He will climb the lattice in every effort to win back the bride He so loves”. In all my mess and steeped in sin, He did not abandon me but continually drew me unto Himself, and did what I could never do. He healed my broken heart and restored this “jar of clay”. “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.” -Colossians 2:10 During the 18 years of my letting go of control …letting Him in, one room at a time unto full surrender, God never threw out this clay to start over with another “lump”. He understands! God entered into His creation and experienced life in the flesh, what we go through as fragile vessels. “For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body.” -Colossians 2:9 While there are over 300 prophecies regarding Jesus, with Isaiah 53:2-9 being one of the most well-known, the following are a few examples describing His intense suffering and trauma to not only demonstrate how He does relate to us, it lets us see a glimpse of His deep love for us and what He was willing to go through to restore unto Himself His beloved, you and I:
“I am forgotten, like a dead man no one thinks about; I am regarded as worthless, like a broken jar.” -Psalm 31:12
“You know my reproach, my shame and disgrace. All my adversaries are before You. Insults have broken my heart, and I am in despair. I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found no one.” -Psalms 69:19-20
“But many were amazed when they saw him. His face was so disfigured he seemed hardly human, and from his appearance, one would scarcely know he was a man.” -Isaiah 52:14
“Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.” -Psalm 41:9
“I gave my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who tore out my beard; My face I did not hide from insults and spitting.”-Isaiah 50:6
“My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help?” -Psalm 22:1
“But I am a worm and not a man. I am scorned and despised by all! 7 Everyone who sees me mocks me. They sneer and shake their heads, saying, 8 “Is this the one who relies on the Lord? Then let the Lord save him! If the Lord loves him so much, let the Lord rescue him!” -Psalm 22:6-8
“My life is poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart is like wax, melting within me. 15 My strength has dried up like sunbaked clay. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. You have laid me in the dust and left me for dead. 16 My enemies surround me like a pack of dogs; an evil gang closes in on me. They have pierced my hands and feet. 17 I can count all my bones. My enemies stare at me and gloat. 18 They divide my garments among themselves and throw dice for my clothing.” -Psalm 22:14-18
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” -Hebrews 4:15-16
Jesus relates to our misery and trauma:
- Betrayal: Jesus was betrayed by Judas with a kiss after selling Him out for 30 pieces of silver.
- Entrapment: The religious leaders, even through flattery, continuously tried to entrap Jesus to condemn Him.
- Capture: Though innocent, He was arrested by the authorities and treated harshly as a criminal.
- False Accusations: Through blatant unfounded lies, the religious leaders stirred up the masses to call for the death of Jesus.
- Denial: In fear and cowardice, even Peter who was called the “rock” and “foundation” of the church, denied knowing Him three times.
- Abandonment: Through dread of association, His disciples left Him to suffer alone, and, Jesus felt agonizing separation from God as the weight of our sins, diseases, and emotional struggles were placed upon Him.
- Physical Abuse: Jesus endured brutal physical treatment, including being spit upon, struck on the head and face, His beard ripped out, crowned with thorns, and scourged so severely that His flesh was torn from His body.
- Public Humiliation: Stripped of all His clothing, Jesus was publicly mocked, both during the scourging and while hanging on the cross where He bore our shame and humiliation.
- Extreme Stress: While struggling to breathe for 6 long hours on the cross (9 AM to 3 PM), Jesus endured intense physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual stress.
- Agony: He felt excruciating bolts of fiery pain from damaged nerves in his pierced wrists and feet. His ripped back had to scrape against the rough wooden cross with every shallow breath. Also typical for crucifixion victims: extreme thirst/dehydration, muscle cramps, stress-induced arrhythmias of the heart, and congestive heart failure.
- Loneliness: Throughout this ordeal, Jesus faced profound loneliness.
- Disappointment: Jesus experienced tremendous disappointment as His closest friends and followers turned away.
I take such comfort in knowing that my Savior truly understands what I went through in my life, relating on every level …and far beyond! Scripture says that Jesus looked past the cross to what would result from His sacrifice. Not only did Jesus get the prize of being seated at the right hand of God, He saw the future of all those who would be saved in His “finishing the job”. He set His face like flint looking ahead. And as He thought of you and me and our spending eternity with Him as His family, He felt joy! “Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end. He did not give up because of the cross! On the contrary, because of the joy that was waiting for him, he thought nothing of the disgrace of dying on the cross, and he is now seated at the right side of God’s throne.” -Hebrews 12:2 Surrendering in the arms of Jesus and allowing myself to be pliable clay in His gentle hands has been the best decision I ever made! I only wish that I had done so decades ago. Such freedom. Such love. Such peace!
The Sinner’s Prayer (by Dr. Ray Pritchard)
Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen.
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