In going more in-depth with my testimony, I had previously done segments on thoughts and actions – the power of words and how they affected and shaped my life. But I wanted to peel back yet another layer of my life on this subject, as while it is along the same lines, this one might not be as obvious to some as an issue with its hidden dangers and what could stem from it. There is nothing wrong with a healthy imagination, as some experts say creativity relies on imagination.
But as with anything else, there’s a fine line between having a healthy imagination and the slippery slope of nurturing an offshoot of such to levels of reliance, as the world of fantasy becomes addictive to the point that it can get out of control, leading to a corrupted and perverse mind.
The Slippery Slope of Fantasy
Going back to my early childhood, I had been groomed, which made me an easy target, foundationally speaking, for the imagination to descend and spin off into something unhealthy and spiritually deficient. As with all sin, it often begins as something seemingly innocent. And regarding our thoughts, we have to be on guard to mind our mind taking every thought captive according to 2 Cor 10:5. Even when convicted as a possible issue, it’s easy to dismiss that notion, replacing conviction with justification, feeling it’s being done for the right reasons; a legitimate form of self-preservation, with necessity being the next step in progression.
Being all sin is progressive; indulging in mental fantasies can easily evolve into a coping mechanism or crutch to deal with reality. And, by all appearances, seems innocent enough, as after all, it’s only internalized and provides a degree of relief. A relief that we trick ourselves into thinking is safely contained within our minds and can never come to any harm. Not to ourselves or others. Much less damage to our spiritual life or endanger our souls.
My background involves levels of abuse that injured and stunted my mental state earlier on in life, long before I was removed from school through abduction. Being abandoned by one parent and left unprotected and at the mercy of one who was not legally allowed to raise me due to his history of harm to children deepened the trauma and further paved the way for me to turn inward, looking for ways to comfort myself, as there was no level of external nurturing in the environment I was trapped in.
How the Enemy Works Versus God
Given my other testimony clips in this series, it should be apparent that I allowed something to get the better of me to lead where it did. The devil tries to imitate God, as he is not original and has nothing new to bring to the table. God, in His great mercy and grace, works to draw us unto Himself even though sin separates us from Him. His goal is to restore us unto Himself through salvation in Jesus, and renew us mind, body, and spirit so we can live life more abundantly in His freedom.
The devil, the father of lies and a murderer, works using the allurement of “freedom” to “Do as thou wilt”, a life of “me, myself, and I” with sin to please every palate, to draw us away from true freedom in God. And he uses the same old lie he did from the beginning with our first parents, “You shall not surely die” if you taste the fruit of sin. “It’s harmless.” “It’s just one apple”. “You can be your own god, creating whatever future you desire in choosing your own path in disobedience to God.” And, “don’t believe God when He says it leads to death.” “God is Love and wouldn’t allow such a thing.”
Yes, God is Love and the Author of it, and He wants the foundation of His Kingdom to be such. Agape love. The purest form as it’s others-based. A look at Jesus’ teachings and life reveals that truth as He emphasized love in saying, “A new commandment I give to you. Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind, and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself”. Just think about that for a minute, what the world would be like if we all did that! At first, we scratch our heads thinking that’s not a new commandment. But Jesus was always intentional with His words and how He said things, and if we check the Greek and Hebrew, we start to see more clearly the meaning in every verse and what was intended.
He was trying to get our heads out of the sand, the mindset of legalism and things done through obligation, to recognize that He desires mercy over judgment, a system based on love of others. Though God wants our love, it cannot be through pressure or obligation, but instead through love freely given. God will not accept forced love in the form of forced surrender or forced obedience. He went to great lengths to freely give His heart to us on the cross and wants ours freely given, developed through a deep personal relationship. And being a gentleman, He allows all to choose for themselves. It hurts God’s heart when people reject all He has to offer and what He did for us, paying the penalty for us in full so we could have a hope and a future, but He refuses to force it.
Does God need anything? No. He’s sovereign and self-sufficient. But He created us and longs for us. You are loved and cherished! We were created to be His friends and family. And we should cherish our wonderful God. But it’s a choice. I heard the following said on Loudmouth Prayer with Marty Grisham speaking of God (in his southern accent), “He’s a love God and you were created to be His love child”. I was taken aback at first because I spent my life viewing God through the lens of fear, trembling, and condemnation. And though my relationship with God is budding, already He has changed my world and view. There is no one like Him!
Where It All Started With Mental Fantasy
So, where did it start with me? With the foundation laid in early childhood, I was a prime target – groomed and incredibly lonely, lacking parental love, and forbidden to have friends. I ended up submersing myself in romantic novels at around age 9. It drew me further and further from God, and from how I had been reading the Bible. The enemy is always seeking to steal, kill, and destroy to prevent the building of a personal relationship with God and to steal our blessings …trying to pluck the seeds planted in the reading of God’s Word. And if we are only casually reading once in a while, that’s fewer seeds being planted, and less taking root. So while we start to build upon the rock that is Christ through His word, if we are not anchored or rooted, we can be shaken and slide off that rock.
Unfortunately, these unhealthy thought patterns paved the way to the breakdown of who I was created to be. And instead, I was led to the next step in sin’s progression of desires materializing, which all started as a way to just feel loved and wanted. Before I knew it, upon entering my teens, my virginity was lost. How? I had been intentionally placed into a twisted situation by my dad, with his every intention of my getting pregnant. I eventually caved.
After a mock marriage ceremony to further manipulate this lonely teen (coupled with sexual innuendos), the guy was housed in my room. Not my brother’s room, or the spare bedroom. Mine. I could have found a way to fight off and avoid the guy. With that, my purity was lost, opening doors that would only lead to emptiness, a life void of true love or what that even meant. By the time Dad brought the second guy home to stay in my bedroom, my shields were already lowered. I was set on the wrong path of sexual immorality, and I took the bait!
And that is how the evil one works. He sets us up and then lures us. Then, he sits back and watches us bring condemnation on ourselves to further the divide and separation from God. The devil knows that he cannot defeat God, but he also knows how to truly hurt God’s heart. Through hurting His kids. By the time I was set free from captivity, I had given in too many times to the fleshly desires that were sparked by mental fantasy. The stronghold had been established, and I would continue with things like watching soap operas, which progressed into watching porn. Eventually, I looked for love in the wrong places, wandering through life “like a candle in the wind”. If not corrected, there is always a progression with sin through our thought life. Everything we cherish, nurture, or hold onto in our hearts grows and spills over, like a tree bearing fruit of actions that reflect our inner selves, shaping our world.
A Warning and a Message of Hope
Regardless of how my inner life of mental fantasies was conceived and birthed, I am the poster child of the dangers of allowing oneself to be caught up and then driven into living for self in excess to fill the void. And, looking back, it’s easy to see the progression of sin and the devil’s trap where I become a slave to it. Ultimately, I hope that my life experiences serve as a fair warning, but also transcend as a message of hope that is found in Christ Jesus. My life is living proof that trauma and its aftermath does not have to end in shame, guilt, or hopelessness. If we allow Him, Jesus works to restore and renew us. He said, “Behold, I make all things new”.
Jesus reached into the depths of my darkness and removed the pain and loneliness that were deeply intertwined into the core of my being, and that had all but extinguished hope for a fulfilling future. He is our living hope. He is our future. He is our new identity. He binds up the brokenhearted and fractured soul. By His stripes, we are healed. He restores our soul. He is Love, and love covers a multitude of sins. Jesus fills the void with His love and comfort and makes us whole. He truly is my rescue story! Where would I be without Him? But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”.
What Scripture Says About Our Thoughts
James 1:14-15 “But each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
2 Cor 10:5 “Casting down imaginations, and every false thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and to capture every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
Genesis 6:5 “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.”
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.”
Colossians 3:2 “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”
Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
Romans 1:21 “For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.”
Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
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