“He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.” Ephesians 4:28
Welcome to another segment of what Jesus has saved me from and how He has changed my life. Before Jesus, I was trapped in cyclic behavior that I could not break free from and as a result a downward spiral where I started to lose everything. With this series, I am opening the closet to show the skeletons, the good, the bad, the ugly, hoping to bring encouragement in how radically God changes lives. If you have seen the previous parts in this series where I unveil other things I have done, you will find that I pretty much did it all. My life shows that no matter how far we have fallen, we have a Savior who makes all things new. Revelation 21:5 And, who destroys strongholds, breaking the power of sin over us. Romans 6:1-11 Who loves us despite our past mistakes, as while we were yet sinners, He gave His life to make His enemies His friends and prove the love of God. Romans 5:10 Who walks alongside us taking our burdens. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Who heals all wounds, binding up the brokenhearted. Isaiah 61 Who restores and gives back what the enemy stole. Deuteronomy 30:3-10 And gives us a new life in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:17
So jumping right in, my life noticeably took a turn for the worse after I lived a sexually immoral life and committed adultery, more than once. “He that committeth adultery with a woman is void of understanding: He doeth it who would destroy his own soul. 33 Wounds and dishonor shall he get; And his reproach shall not be wiped away.” Proverbs 6:32-33 These acts opened a spiritual door and brought in something that I not only saw in the physical (went over in another part of this series) but brought with it chaos, putting me in self-destruct mode. Spiritual strongholds are real! That day marked the next level of moral depravity and emotional instability where I started to drown in a mess of my own doing. I was making more irrational decisions than ever and was spiritually flat-lining. Though I never had a personal relationship with God, what light I had from reading the Bible at times growing up faded into darkness as I went into moral decay. I became increasingly unreliable and unstable and started doing more and more things that were uncharacteristic seemingly without conscious looking to fill the void and loneliness. Matthew 13:15
I went from having a great job where I could support myself without needing a roommate and living in a nice safe area, a new car, and a decent life, to living aimlessly with practically nothing to my name and nothing to show for my hard work. It was like all the good in my life was being stripped as a consequence of my actions. I had left one boyfriend who had proposed to me and moved on with another, overlapping relationships and getting pregnant …by one of them. My mom had taken her life. My dad was sentenced to 40+ years in prison. Admittedly my memory is off a bit from Mom’s untimely death that seemed to put me in a two-year stupor, but this all happened around the same time. After I had continued to commit adultery and was living a sexually immoral life, everything went south. And fast! I uprooted myself without much of a game plan and moved to a different city without a job lined up. In the first month or so I was involved in two car accidents …so much for my new car! And, my new live-in boyfriend was cheating on me from pretty much day one. It was as if all I had done to others was being returned to my head. Galatians 6:7-8 states, “…A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.“
So here I was without a solid job lined up in a new area that was double the cost of living. I started cleaning houses and doing other odd jobs. I don’t remember the timeline but I did that for a few years and was getting by. But then I started doing more careless things. There was no need for it and no good reason, but eventually, I started taking quarters that were left out in a change jar at the homes of my clients, a couple of quarters at a time, at first …at multiple homes. It made no sense as to why I would do that. Then I took a shirt from a really good regular customer after they were nice enough to give me extra work house sitting while they were on vacation. Just horrible behavior that betrayed their trust in me! Matthew 15:19 says, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.” My heart was wrong! It made no sense whatsoever why I would risk my job and violate trust like that. Again, things went noticeably downhill after I did that. I became even more unreliable. I remember bouts of bad depression so bad that I would not show up to work. Other clients, I lost without explanation. And, I unwisely turned down work including getting apartment complexes as clients.
I had turned into a different person. I needed God desperately but was too hardened and blinded by sin to know it. Ephesians 4:17-24 says, “With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.” I needed the peace and love that comes with knowing Him. The clarity and wisdom He gives, and His direction. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 God is good and is faithful, even to those that He is trying to draw unto Himself. But there comes a point with continued intentional sin that He, in His righteousness and being just, has to lift His hand of protection in areas. And will continue to do so hoping that what we bring on ourselves will wake us up.
Willful habitual sin leads us into the enemy’s territory where he has legal rights to bring chaos, oppression, and set up strongholds. The goal is to lure and entice us into furthering the divide between us and our Creator and get us into a position void of protection, ultimately leading to separation from God and condemnation. In John 10:10 Jesus, speaking of the evil one says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” Our wonderful God takes every measure to reach us but is also a Holy God where sin separates us from Him. That being said, He is incredibly patient and longsuffering and I have seen how good He has been in my own life! Referencing God’s ultimate justice on the Day of the Lord and how long He seems to be waiting, “The Lord does not delay [as though He were unable to act] and is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is [extraordinarily] patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9 He is not sitting in heaven with a hammer seeking to quickly judge our every fault. No, He is trying to get our attention to draw us unto Himself so He can transform our lives and make all things new. And I am so grateful for His grace and mercy in my life. I have experienced firsthand how Jesus changes lives! Lord Jesus, where would I be without You?
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